The Responsibilty Of Sons And Daughters Towards Their Parents

Peace of God and His mercy to you.

Today's Friday Prayer's sermon was about the responsibility and relationship of the sons and daughters towards and between their parents. In a previous blog entry, I talked about the importance of parents in the Muslim community and their role in raising their children in the correct way.

Respecting The Parents
The parents are the important part of every family. They are the leaders and teachers. They are responsible to raise their children in the correct way. The mother conceived the children and she endured all the pain. The father works hard to ensure a good living for his family. The sons and daughters have to be grateful for them, they have not seen their mother enduring all the pain of pregnancy for 9 months and the father helping her in doing chores. They must be rewarded for their patience and for all the time they spent raising their children and helping them live life in the right course. God the Almighty says in the Holy Quran:

Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. (23) And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little. (24) Al Israa 17:23-24

And He also says:

And We have commended unto man kindness toward parents. His mother beareth him with reluctance, and bringeth him forth with reluctance, and the bearing of him and the weaning of him is thirty months, till, when he attaineth full strength and reacheth forty years, he saith: My Lord! Arouse me that I may give thanks for the favour wherewith Thou hast favoured me and my parents, and that I may do right acceptable unto Thee. And be gracious unto me in the matter of my seed. Lo! I have turned unto Thee repentant, and lo! I am of those who surrender (unto Thee). (15) Those are they from whom We accept the best of what they do, and overlook their evil deeds. (They are) among the owners of the Garden. This is the true promise which they were promised (in the world). (16) Al Ahqaf 46:15-16

The sons and daughters are requested to respect their parents, before and after their death, by praying to God to forgive them and to pray for any thing good for them all. The sons and daughters must not say bad words to their parents, even the shortest word of uneasiness and disapproval: fie. And they also must not raise hands in the face of their parents when angry trying to hit them, even if it is meant as a threat. And do not hate them. Does anyone of us want to make our parents feel sad or ashamed because of us?!

The mother's role in raising her children is the greatest. Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported:

A person came to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and said: Who among the people is most deserving my companionship (of a kind treatment from me?) He said: Your mother. He, again, said: Then who (is the next one)? He said: It is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who (is the next one)? He (the Holy Prophet) said: It is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon he (The Prophet (peace be upon him)) said: It is your father. Source: al-islam

It is forbidden in Islam to claim that you are not related to your father when you know he is really your father. Do not let your anger bring calamity upon you! Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported:

Allah's Messenger (may peace and blessings be upon him) observed: Do not detest your fathers; he who detests his father commits infidelity. Source: al-islam

And do not badmouth other's parents! You are badmouthing your own parents! 'Abdullah bin 'Amr bin Al-'As, may Allah be pleased with them, reported:

Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) observed: Abusing one's parents is one of the major sins. They (the hearers) asked: Messenger of Allah, does a man abuse his parents? He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Yes, one abuses the father of another man, who in turn abuses his father. One abuses his mother and he in turn abuses his (the former's) mother. Source: al-islam

We have to treat our parents well, even if they are not Muslims. Asma', may Allah be pleased with her, reported:

I asked: Messenger of Allah, my mother, who wants my company or who hates Islam, has come to me, should I (even in her position of being opposed to Islam) treat her well? He said: Yes. Source: al-islam

Kindness to parents is one of the best deeds. It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdullah bin Mas'ud, may Allah be pleased with him, who observed:

I asked Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) which deed was the best. He (the Holy Prophet) replied: The Prayer at its appointed hour. I (again) asked: Then what? He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Kindness to the parents. I (again) asked: Then what? He replied: Earnest struggle (Jihad) in the cause of Allah. I refrained from asking any more questions for fear of annoying him. Source: al-islam

And it is a sin to disobey the parents, excluding the things they ask their sons and daughters to do which make the God angry at the people, such as drinking alcohol, gambling, or talking bad about others. Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated:

Regarding the major sins, the Holy Prophet (may peace be upon him) observed: Associating anything with Allah, disobedience to parents, killing a person and false utterance. Source: al-islam

If one of our parents died, we can give charity on behalf of him/her. 'A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated:

A person came to the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) and said: My mother died suddenly without having made any will. I think she would have definitely given Charity if she had been able to speak. Would she have a reward if I gave Charity on her behalf? He (the Holy Prophet) said: Yes. Source: al-islam

And if one of them died and did not fast some days of Ramadan, we can fast on behalf of them. Allah is fair! Ibn 'Abbas, may Allah be pleased with both of them, reported:

A woman came to the Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) and said: My mother has died, and she had not observed one month fast. Thereupon he asked: Do you not see that if debt was due from her, would you not pay it off? She said: Yes (I would pay it off on her behalf). Thereupon he said: The debt of Allah should be repaid (before that of anyone else). Source: al-islam

And if they died or they were too old to perform the pilgrimage, we can perform it on behalf of them. Allah is merciful! Al-Fadl, may Allah be pleased with him, reported:

A woman of the Banu Khath'am said: Messenger of Allah, my father is very old. There is an obligation of Hajj upon him from Allah, but he is not capable of sitting on the back of the camel. Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Perform Hajj on his behalf. Source: al-islam

God ordered us to be good companions to our parents. He the Greatest says:

Say: Come, I will recite unto you that which your Lord hath forbidden to you: that ye ascribe no thing as partner unto Him and that ye do good to parents, and that ye slay not your children because of penury - We provide for you and for them - and that ye draw not nigh to lewd things whether open or concealed. And that ye slay not the life which Allah hath made sacred, save in the course of justice. This He hath command you, in order that ye may discern. (151) Al Anaam 6:151

Would not you treat your parents well when God asked you to do so?!

In the end...
Be good friends to your parents. Make them happy and proud of you before and after their death :)

Parents' Importance In Islam

Peace of God and His mercy to you.

Today, I would like to discuss the role of the family in Islam. The important part of a Muslim community is the family. A coherent family consists of the parents and their children - young and adults. And the parents are the leaders and are expected to take their responsibility to make sure that the ship does not sink and that its crew follow the rules and are cooperative.

Marriage
A good family is made up of good parents. And good parents are expected to have good children. People affect people, and mostly the old affect the young. When a man is able to get married, he must be:

1. adult,
2. sane,
3. aware,
4. righteous, and
   
5. Muslim.
   

And the woman who wants to get married, or a man with the above properties wants to marry her, the woman should be:

1. adult,
2. sane,
3. aware,
4. righteous, and
5. Muslim, or non-Muslim of a religion of God (Judaism and Christianity).

I have to explain why the man should be Muslim and the woman can be a follower of any religion of God. We know that in a family the children get the name of their father, not the name of their mother. And we know that the father is the leader of the family, he is the main source of income for the family, and that the father's voice is always heard in almost every matter discussed in the family. Therefore, the children are mostly affected by the actions of their father, who is expected to be an example for the children. And the children will be expected to follow the religion of the father, which is Islam. And for the mother, she can keep following her religion, or she can convert to Islam if she accepts it (as a natural result of interaction and living with her Muslim husband). But, if the children followed the religion of their mother, which is not Islam in this example, there can be problems between the parents and their children. You see, if the father who is supposed to be the captain of the ship guides his crew who do not share his ideas, there will be conflicts, especially between the parents when their families interfere. And there will be situations in which the children do not know who to follow or listen to. I hope you have understood what I am trying to say.

And I want to say that God ordered us to marry to keep the humankind existent and to prevent people from committing adultery when they cannot control their sexual desires. And He allowed a man to marry up to four women only if:

• his first woman cannot conceive,
• his first woman has a dangerous disease that can transfer to him and to her fetus, or
  
• he is able financially as well as able to be fair with each of his wives.
  

God says:

If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or that which your right hands possess. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. The Women 4:2

And He says:

And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way. Al Isra 17:32

Raising Children
So, the important role of the parents is raising their children in the best way. To be good examples for them, to explain things for them, to teach them Islam, to study the Quran with them, to give them good names, to feed them well, to treat them kindly, and to differentiate for them right and wrong. The parents are expected to grow a good plant by taking good care of their seeds.

The Prophet Muhammad, Peace Be Upon Him, said:

In the Day of Judgment you are called by your names, and your father's name, so have good names. Arabic Source: Islamweb

And he said:

Be good to your children, and teach them good behavior. Arabic Source: Islamweb

Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported:

Al-Aqra' bin Habis saw Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) kissing Al-Hasan. He said: I have ten children, but I have never kissed any one of them, whereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him. Source: al-islam

And there are many teachings by the Prophet, Peace Be Upon Him, that guide the people in raising their children the correct way and teaching them responsibility.

And now, let me introduce you to what God says about parents' role toward their children:

And who say: Our Lord! Vouchsafe us comfort of our wives and of our offspring, and make us patterns for (all) those who ward off (evil). Al Furqan 25:74

The father should pray to God to have a good wife and good children and to be able to be good example for them.

And God says:

Allah chargeth you concerning (the provision for) your children... The Women 4:11

Parents have to provide their children what they need of food, education, and a happy, yet responsible life.

And when the children among you come to puberty then let them ask leave even as those before them used to ask it. Thus Allah maketh clear His revelations for you. Allah is Knower, Wise. Al Noor 24:59

When your children reach puberty, they can get married.

In the end...
The parents are responsible for their children. They are like gardeners who try their best to grow good crops. Prophet Muhammad said:

every one of you is a caretaker, and is responsible for his consignment. The ruler is a caretaker of people, and is responsible for his subjects. A man is a caretaker of his family, and is responsible for them. A woman is a caretaker of her husband's house and children, and is responsible for them. A slave is a caretaker of his master's property, and is responsible for it. All of you are caretakers, and all of you are responsible for their consignment. Source: al-islam

The happiest family is the one with good leaders.

And this is a note worth mentioning: Islam also did guide the sons and daughters to good behave with their parents. I will talk about this soon!

Until next time, make sure you be good to your parents and children :)